The Great Cereal Debate

 

Lately, a debate has been growing, “What do you pour first, Milk or Cereal?” We aren’t going to debate the alternatives to Milk. Whether you prefer Soy, Almond, Rice, or the Classic you will be able to join into this debate of cereal bowl processes. We will attempt to cover this topic in a professional and analytical way. Let’s Begin.

The common approach to preparing a bowl of cereal is to pour the desired amount of cereal into a bowl, followed by the desired amount of milk. This is the process accepted throughout the world. Many brilliant minds throughout History have enjoyed their cereal prepared in this manner.

There is another method of preparing a bowl of cereal often used by psychopaths. This “process” begins with pouring milk into a container. Most likely the type of person that uses this method doesn’t have any clean bowls at the moment. A random amount of milk will do, it could be too much or too little in regards to the desired outcome. Hell, they probably ran out of milk and are just using water. They then dump cereal on top of the milk. The vast majority of cereal will float or sit on top of dry cereal. In some cases, the sheer volume of cereal will push the bottom-most cereal down into the milk. This process delivers an inconsistent and sub-optimal experience. If you are using this method you are only punishing yourself.

Let’s be honest, you aren’t making a bowl of cereal if not milk is involved. You are just eating. Most likely there isn’t even a bowl involved, you are shoving your grubby little fingers into the box and shoveling a sugar-based cereal directly into your mouth. We’ve all done it, and Goodwin’s Rule clearly states that the more sugar in a cereal the more likely one is to consume it without milk. If this is your primary method of consuming cereal you have no horse in this debate… move along.

Now that the process of pouring a bowl of cereal has been cleared up, the odds are your mind has moved on to the inevitable follow-up question; What do you do with your leftover cereal milk? You are left with a decision. Either drink the leftover milk or pour it down the drain. Let’s discuss the merits of each option.

The Milk left over after consuming a bowl of cereal can vary vastly. Most cereals will flavor the milk. In the case of sugar-filled or chocolate based cereals, it’s objectively delicious. The healthier on the scale you go the less desirable the milk will be. Regardless, the responsible thing to do is drink the leftover milk. The components are identical to the meal you’ve been consuming.

Savages. Seriously, these sick bastards have enjoyed a bowl of cereal thanks to the milk and how do they repay that kindness? By pouring said nourishment down the drain. This isn’t a debate anymore… drink your leftover cereal milk.

In 2013, the MMM Foundation conducted a study of 1,000,000 cereal consumers. The results of the study were found to be conclusive. Regarding the process of preparing a bowl of cereal all but two participants agreed that milk should be poured over cereal. One of the participants later admitted to being confused by the question, the other was probably Hitler. All agreed that pouring perfectly good milk down the drain was a crime against humanity.